So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
