Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
