Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
