..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
