guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
