3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
