im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
