he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
