She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
