She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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