somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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