Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
