My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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