Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
