I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
