I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize