I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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