So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
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I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize