Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
please come you make the beer taste better
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
