His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
