He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
