I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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