Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
