Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
