He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
