After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
