I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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