you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
