dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i love accidental penises.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
