so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
