So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
