I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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