Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
