Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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