do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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