he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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