we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize