Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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