have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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