I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize