Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
