have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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