Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
