she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
