walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
