I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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