I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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