So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
