And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
