I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
