you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
