Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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