This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
