Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
