Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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