I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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