I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
smell my finger.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
