Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
