Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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