i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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