I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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