Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
