There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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