she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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