Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
