Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
