Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
