The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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