my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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