I hate all girls vehemently.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
