I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
