I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
