This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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