Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
