i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
