i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize